Vibrators are great. Many women could tell the tales of blissful sexual excursions that they never knew existed. It has shown the way to pleasure to some of the most reluctant or dormant clitoris, bringing many bodies in the realm of multi-orgasms. For many it is a fool-proof plan, no fuss access to quick satisfaction.
Let’s remember they are just tools and don’t replace a healthy sex life because sex is more than organ stimulation. It’s about connecting with another human, a communion, an exchange of energy. It’s about the anticipation, the build up of the arousal and the relief and benefits that come with the experience (with or without orgasms)
It’s only when these tools (like porn) leave us feeling as though we are trapped and unable to explore other sexual expressions and find other ways to get our pleasure and satisfaction that their use becomes a problem. I often hear stories from women who say they feel desensitized, they feel broken as they can no longer reach an orgasm through regular sex with a partner and they need to pull out their vibrator to climax. It could just be a matter of having the right partner, proper communication and taking the time to connect and engage in deeper intimacy than the regular sex they typically have.
However sometimes even the most supportive and dedicated partner may feel helpless overcoming that dependance. While vibrators are great they also can teach women to access their sexualities in a disconnected way, in a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am approach. Let’s face it, no one, no matter how skilled and athletic they are, can compete with the intensity and “stamina” of a vibrator. Very localized, never expansive, no succulent build up or anticipation, only quick, jolted moments going from zero to aroused to orgasm within a few minutes. Again, absolutely nothing inherently wrong with wanting that. Perhaps there is a time and place for it but the danger is the frequent use of it may make your body default to that level of stimulation that can not be matched by your partner.
Weaning off your beloved vibrator can be challenging. For that you need to vary your routine and self control.
There are numerous types of sex toys out there. Vibrators can provide both external and internal stimulation, but you don’t only have to target your clit—you could use a dildo to experience internal stimulation or even hit some of the vagina’s pleasure zones. You could touch yourself and use a butt plug at the same time, as well.
To create more variety, explore different types of vibrators. If you’re used to just steady vibrations, try different sensations like a “clit sucker,” which provides pleasure by blowing air on the clitoris instead of vibrating on it. You could even try a hands free vibrator, or a dual stimulation vibrator for added pleasure.
Try edging and alternating using your vibrator then fingers.
Beginning by taking in deep breaths, caress your body sensually in all the right places, waking up your senses and sexual energy. Turn on vibrator, pleasure for 15 seconds. Stop.
Lube finger, pleasure for 15 seconds. Stop.
Switch back over to vibrator, this time for 30 seconds. Stop
Back to fingers, also for 30 seconds. Stop.
Continue at these intervals until on the verge of climax.
Then. . . pleasure to orgasm using fingers only.
The same approach can be done with a partner. Incorporate your vibrator during sex, combining their caress and stimulation with the vibrator also alternating using vibrator and then fingers, tongue, penis and see how that works for you.
In the end, the important thing is to focus on connecting with your partner and enjoying the overall experience. A vibrator can momentarily satisfy you but it won’t hold you, converse with you and love you.
If despite all your efforts and attempts you still struggle to get a person-generated orgasm and you need your trusty vibrator to finish the job, it’s ok! At least you can climax, some women can’t no matter what.
