“Sex at Dawn, the prehistoric origins of modern sexuality” is a fascinating book. I strongly believe everyone should read that book and I guarantee we’d see less couples divorcing!
Written by 2 authors, Christopher Ryan and Cacila Jetha, the book is controversial because it makes the case that monogamy is not a natural trait for humans and has been imposed by religion and society in fairly recent history.
The notion that it is normal for human males to “spread their seeds” while females are more wired for monogamy is complete fabrication. The truth: it’s a natural inclination for humans of all genders to be attracted to more than one specimen and for a variety of reasons. Personality, social status, physicality etc.
As members of the primate family, homo sapiens along with chimpanzees and bonobos ( a chimp like species of monkeys) are the only species in all the animal kingdom that have recreational sex! All other species are solely responding to a reproductive instinct and oftentimes it is a seasonal ritual.
Whether we like it or not we are sophisticated animals. Like most forms of life, our collective biological agenda is to reproduce. For females, consciously or not, their goal could be divided in 2 aspects. To find a healthy sperm donor for procreation. Then insure the survival of their offspring to adulthood so they too can pursue that same agenda. Males have similar goals, find fertile females and make sure their offspring thrive.
Female chimpanzees will use sex as a currency. They will grant sexual favours to select males who in turn will offer food, shelter, protection etc. Chimps are highly sexually active animals. The male genitalia has evolved to facilitate such behaviour with large testicles to produce adequate amounts of semen to match their lifestyle. Compare that to the Gorillas, where the Silver back, the alpha male of the group whose pure physical strength will assure him the sole access to all the female Gorillas in his pack, his genitalia is tiny compared to a chimp. The competition doesn’t happen at that level and thus his anatomy evolved as such.
For thousands and thousands of years, homo sapiens lived in tribes and females essentially had similar strategies to female chimpanzees. Not that they would have sex with all the males in a tribe but would entertain several relationships which would benefit them. Such a strategy would ensure that multiple males would want to assure protection and support of their offspring thinking they could be theirs.
We have to remember that those tribes had little understanding and knowledge of reproduction beyond perhaps the notion that males had a life giving milk and females supplied the milk to support life.
So in the end, no matter who you are partnered with and how much you love them, be them the smartest, sexiest man or woman, it’s completely natural to be curious about other people. It’s in our genes, and a natural tendency for all humans. To want to experience different body types, personalities, races, energy etc.
Most people love the comfort of a long time partner but there is also something to be said about the excitement and discovery of a new one. So let’s face it, people will have affairs and will fantasize or think about it. Why are we so insecure about it? Having sex with someone else does not mean we love and care less for our partner.
Japanese wives will pack condoms for their husbands when they go on business trips. An invitation to wear a condom as they expect their husband to have sexual encounters and essentially make sure they don’t bring back unwanted souvenirs…I bet equal amount of wives will find comfort while on those long lonely nights.
Why is a woman who is sexually active called a slut when a man with a similar behaviour is referred to as more honourably a “ladies’ man”? In both cases, we are simply being humans and that is how those individuals decided to express and live their sexuality. Now, not everyone necessarily wants to explore their sexuality in the same fashion but some do and there should be no shame to do so. The same goes for sex workers and the stigma against them.
Modern sexuality is about openness and acceptance. Gender identity, sexual orientation and how we express and live are sexuality are being redefined now. It’s no longer a set of rigid categories and strict rules. Concepts like polyamory, pan-sexuality, fluidity, situational etc. are all terms becoming better understood and more mainstream. But yeah read that book, it might save your marriage / relationship!
