If dating apps are new to you, welcome to the modern world! Whether you are looking for a long term partner or a casual one, there is no shame in using them. It allows you to connect with someone you most likely would never have been able to cross paths with. Sometimes for the best or… the worse!
I have used them myself and it can be tricky to navigate. I’ve heard a lot of stories from clients and friends, good and bad. Let me share my tips and insights.
Choose the right platform: There are many different dating apps and websites out there, each with its own unique features and audience.
Here are a few you won’t believe actually exist, just for giggles!
Make sure you choose a platform that aligns with your goals and interests. While popular ones can cast too wide of a net, the ones where they make men pay to contact females may vet and screen the less serious or desirable candidates but with that may also come some form of expectations on their part…
Be honest and authentic: Honesty is key in any relationship, and online dating is no exception. Be truthful about who you are, what you’re looking for, and what your interests are.
Use recent and representative photos of you. Your profile picture is the first thing potential matches will see, so make sure it accurately represents you and your personality. Avoid using old or blurry photos, and consider having a friend take some new ones for you as opposed to selfies. Don’t be hard on yourself or feel you aren’t “hot” enough. It’s not like all those men on those apps are all hunks either! Regardless of your age and appearance there is a man out there looking for someone just like you!
Keep your profile concise and engaging: Your profile should be a snapshot of who you are, your interests, what you’re looking for and what makes you unique. Don’t be afraid to inject some humor or personality into it, just be yourself!
Online dating opens up a world of possibilities, so don’t limit yourself to a narrow set of criteria when describing the person you are looking for. Be open-minded and consider giving people a chance who might not be your typical “type.” If you are out of a long term relationship perhaps it’s the perfect opportunity to do tabula rasa and date different types of men. You might surprise yourself by being attracted to someone you never thought you would at first. You have evolved and now most likely value different traits in another person most of which are only revealed as you spend time with them. We all aspire to meet the person of our dreams but that person most likely doesn’t exist. We all have “must have” and deal breakers but no one is perfect. Keep that in mind, at the same time, don’t settle either!
Take your time getting to know people: online dating can be fast-paced, but it’s important to take your time getting to know someone before you agree to meet in person and don’t base your decision just on their looks. Photos can be misleading some people don’t photograph well others look better in photos than in real life! Ask questions, have conversations, and build a connection before taking the next step. Don’t be afraid to be spontaneous either if it feels right.
Be safe. I would strongly advise you not to share your private information. Use an alias at first. Create an email account just for that, never use your work or personal email account. Don’t share your phone number either until you trust the person and the relationship becomes more serious. If you want to text you can use Kik and other free services like that where you don’t need to share personal information. This way, if anything goes South, you can block this person on the app / site and block their email and you will never hear from them ever again and they can’t bother you anymore.
I would not recommend ghosting. It’s a plague of our times and a rather unpleasant habit some have. It can even aggravate a situation in some cases. It’s totally fine to ignore rude and inappropriate comments but if you’ve been chatting with someone for a while or you went on a date with a person, don’t ignore them if they contact you again. Have the courtesy to simply let them know you’re not interested in pursuing a relationship with them. You don’t have to give them reasons you could simply write: “I really appreciate your interest in me, but I don’t feel a romantic connection between us.” I know some individuals don’t take rejection gracefully and I hear some women often deal with insults. You can block their profile or email after you’ve done that. A little more effort on your part but at least you know you’ve done it the right way.
When you do decide to meet someone in person, make sure to do so in a public place that you are familiar with and let a friend or family member know where you’ll be and when you expect to be done. (similar safety measure as when you go hiking). If you are at the stage where you meet in a private setting, arrange to update a friend via text and let your date know about it. Trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to end the date early if you feel uncomfortable.
Dating is exciting, don’t let all the bad stories or precautions take the fun out of it. You will meet some nice people and possibly some you wish you never met but that is true of every day life.
